When I was 17, I found myself kicked out of my family home. With nowhere else to go, I moved in with my contentious 21 year old boyfriend. He was involved in a myriad of different nefarious activities. He provided me unlimited access to alcohol and substances, and encouraged me to use them. In many aspects, he took advantage of me.
It would be easy for me to paint this man as a controlling and abusive predator. From some perspectives, that description wouldn't be false. However, it wouldn't fully capture his essence either. He wasn't a monster who crawled out of my closet to hurt me, he was a real person. He cared for, provided for, and protected me where my parents had failed to. He was controlling, jealous, and hot headed. He was supportive of my education and encouraged me to create a legitimate career for myself. He was restrictive and enjoyed my isolation from family and friends. He was loyal, generous, and gentle.
It is easy to move on from people when you demonize them. Forgiveness is a much more difficult, but worthwhile task. Forgiveness requires honesty and acceptance of the reality that ensued. Understanding that someone could have hurt you, but also loved you in the best way that they knew how (but that it just wasn't good enough) is a lesson that takes accountability and humanity to learn. Forgiveness is painful and demands patience, but it allows you to better understand yourself and others when you accept hard truths.
Forgiveness is a bitch, but she is worth it.
Mediums: Canvas, acrylic polymer