Elephants in Our Room - "Truth is Subjective !" (2023)

Throughout my life, being a good liar often benefited me. By telling a lie that was more tasteful to the listener than the truth, even if I didn't think the truth was wrong, I was able to dodge conflict.

I often used this skill in my illegitimate high school relationship. I would often tell white lies to avoid suspicions of me being unfaithful, even though I had never been. I would withhold certain truths because I knew they would incite a negative response I didn't have the energy to combat. At times, I would be caught in my lies now and again and eventually, I gave up trying to defend myself. It was a gamble between truth and something close to that, the collateral was a knock down drag out argument. Trust was so obviously desolate, that it felt like an elephant in the room. What sticks out to me from this time, was feeling so inconsolably tired. 

I internalized guilt from this dynamic. I took on the weight of his mistrust of me and placed little to no blame on him. As much as we would like to believe, there is no divine truth. Two people can experience the exact same events and recall it completely differently. I comforted myself with this logic when I was faced with the guilt of the lies I had told to him.

Mediums: Canvas, acrylic polymer